Sixth Last Running of Ferd’s Hill
1/25/03
by Ferd
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Sixth Last Running of Ferd’s Hill
I apologize for not having submitted the results of the Sixth Last running of Ferd’s Hill. Unfortunately, I was unable to find the sheet containing the race results and it wasn’t until Joe Adams and I, by combining the force of our two GPS units, were able to intercept the coded Communication from the Mother ship of G.L.O.P. (Galaxy Landing Observation Patrol) that we figured out what happened to the results. We bounced the transmission off Rick’s hovercraft, reflected the waves off Blade’s Speedo’s and finally filtered the raw data through Tom Crull’s Harley and were able to break their secret code and record the following report: Ferd
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Galaxy Landing Observation Report |
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Commander: Admiral I think I have found the key. Admiral: Well it is about time Commander: you have been on this patrol for at least 37,000 mimplaps. Commander: Well, the specimen we abducted last year, I think his name was Ferd, was useless. When our back was turned he took off his shoes and when the toxic fumes overpowered us he made his escape. But we managed to capture the secret code written on an ancient media called paper. Translation of the scratchings has finally given us the key to this annual ritual. Admiral: Well, stop blathering and tell us what the hell they are doing, running around and around that hill. Commander: That’s it, Admiral, the running, the running. We have determined that it is an archaic mating ritual. |
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Admiral: How’s that? Commander: As you know we only have one gender glimbers. They on the other hand have two different genders, some are glimmers and some are globbers. Admiral: Come again? Commander: You can tell the glimmers, they have longer hair, giggle a lot and smell good, while the globbers scowl, tell long boring stories, and well to put it delicately, the odors they emit are definitely very toxic. Especially those vapors that explode noisily from the back of their leggings. Admiral: And their hair? Commander: Most wear it short and some don’t have hardly any at all. Admiral: That’s great Commander, that is great, but just how does the mating take place? |
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Commander: Well Admiral, I’m not exactly sure but I think it has something to do with the stuff they put in their water bottles. Admiral: How’s that? Commander: Well you see Glimmer Betty, and Glimmer Mary were filling the bottles each time the Globbers came around and sure enough when they finally got to the IHOP (International Headquarters of Plodders) they were paired up with Globber Jay and Globber Ferd. Glimmer Paula whisked away Globber Dave, he was on the winning team you know, and must have gotten a special prize.
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Commander: I don’t know. It could have been the size of their water bottle, or maybe they were so slow they felt they could never escape. Age doesn’t seem to have anything to do with it. They just seem to enjoy the ritual even if they don’t produce any little glimmers or globbers. Admiral: How about the other three glimmers? Commander: Well glimmer Bev seemed to take a liking to the dog, Tramp, and I guess Globber Joe just came with the dog. Glimmer Jennifer finally picked globber Neil. Boy he is a big globber. Did you see the size of his tracks? I guess glimmer Carol couldn’t find a water bottle she liked or maybe she had one stashed somewhere else. She didn’t show up at the IHOP at all. |
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Commander: Well, they all rushed off. I heard some say that if they didn’t get home their glimmers would kill them. I nearly followed one of them to see how that kill thing worked. I’ll bet it had to do with destroying his water bottle. They seem to be very attached to those bottles. But I decided to keep that for a future patrol. Admiral: Well, Commander, do you think this world is worthy of our conquest? Commander: Nah, These so called runners just keep going around in circles snorting, giggling, and puffing noxious fumes. I figure after a few billion mimplaps around the course, which by the way was a few grrblips short, (Head measuring ruler, globber Ken Ashby, corrected us) they will finally wear out and collapse in on themselves like a black hole. Or maybe another five-thirty----nine-thirty store will be built on Ferd’s Hill. Then they will be out of a mating ground and eventually the species will die out. |
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Commander: Well, They seem to enjoy it. Globber Brittzter and Glimmer Tammi have mated twice already. And soon will have two blimbers to take care of. Admiral: Wow, he must have some water bottle. Admiral: I guess you are right. This species is certainly having too much fun to be a galactic threat. We’d best leave them alone. By the way, how’d the race come out? |
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Admiral: Why do you think they picked those three? From the pictures they seemed pretty ancient.
Admiral: And the other globbers?
Admiral: Is there anything else I should know about this mating ritual?
Commander: As far as I can tell results as scratched on the paper were as follows:
First-Matthew Crownover-Dave Billman
Second-Joe Adams-Sammy Monge
Third-Tom Crull-Mark Murphy
Fourth-Chuck Chandonia-Jay Norman
Fifth-Neil Hewitt-Jennifer Tanner
Sixth-Greg Andress-Carol Bradshaw
End of Report by
Globber Ferd